Monthly Archives: April 2020

Just Leave Well Enough Alone

I’m not in a lockdown state. I work from home these days, and I’m thankful to be employed. Every once in a while, I just want to log on, tune out for an hour or two, and just mindlessly enjoy a game. Emphasis on “mindless.”

Infinity Ward has other plans for me, it would seem. For what feels like the twentieth time in three weeks, Modern Warfare Warzone has endured an update.

And what an update.

If I found this outside, I’d put it in my mouth. Thanks, Infinity Ward.

See, a small group of us like a game mode called Plunder. The original goal was to grab as much cash as you can. Get to a million dollars before the Others. You know—just like real life, depending on your habits.

I guess.

So there we were: that’s me, John, Norm. Speed, the Dude, and a few others.

We all need a bit of the Ol’ Milk Plus, o my brothers.

We float in and out of the online gaming arena, make nuisances of ourselves, give each other a hard time. Have a few laughs.

If you’re not a gamer, I don’t blame you. In reflective times like what alcoholics might call moments of clarity, I’ve often pondered the idea of putting away the controller for good. Writing a book. Taking a few more classes just for me. But no. I log on, I sign in, and I get my face shot off immediately due to the latest “update.”

This week I couldn’t hear or see my enemies as they parachuted out of thin air onto my shoulder. They took my wallet, my watch, my shoes, and my cookies. They took my ability to enjoy myself as well, but there’s no perk for that, so I guess I’m S.O.L. on that side of things.

Top: every Call of Duty update.
Bottom: a player attempting to enjoy oneself.

A couple of years ago, I starting playing games again after a lengthy absence. This morning I felt an inconsolable rage I had not experienced for nearly twenty years. I deeply considered taking a hammer to everything within arm’s reach. Truly.

I’m forty years old, folks. Quarantine or not, I ask you, “What the actual fuck?”

I mean no disrespect to the younger gamers who enjoy ever-closing circles, whether they are gas, fire, or energy fields. Hell, I don’t care about blue-haired streamers with their own shoe lines. To each their own.

For the love of God, Activision, while the United States and fifty other countries are trying to figure out how to right the S.S. Rona, could you just leave it the fuck alone? For a week, even? Can you just not fuck with a video game long enough that we might feel a peculiar peace in these “trying” and “uncertain” times?

I’m taking the rest of the day off. Maybe tomorrow, too. At any rate, I’m sure there will be another update before I log in again. Maybe there will be a bonus round where every achievement I reach can be summarily undone in a matter of minutes.

Cheers, everyone. It’s been…fun?